Fighting with your partner is one of the most common things in a relationship. Any healthy relationship has its ups and downs and arguments are often the way to settle differences or upset feelings between the two of you. However, sometimes arguing becomes too regular and can start to take the shine off a relationship. It can affect your sex life, and if uncontrolled, can lead to a breakup. Despite this, when we get into a cycle of fighting, it can be difficult to end the differences and move on to a happier scenario. Here are a few ways to go about it.
Write your feelings down
Sometimes in an argument, it can be difficult to get across what you are saying. While you are trying to express your thoughts, they are taking your intentions into a different light. Fights are usually based on two-way miscommunication, and trying to get your partner to see where you are coming from can be a task over all the shouting. By writing it down, as a series of bullet points or as a letter, can show them what you are really trying to say. This will make it clearer without interruption.
Stop talking, start listening
Often when we argue, it is because we don’t think the other person is understanding us. However, we rarely stop to question whether we are understanding them. Most often, people do not necessarily say what is bothering them and instead pick up on petty problems. Projecting is a way that people post their own fears and issues on to others. If your partner is worried about you flirting, for example, it may be because they are going through a period of feeling unattractive. Try to stop talking and listen not only to what they are saying but also what they are not saying.
Give it a minute
Fights are a spew of cross words overlapping back and forth, usually not heading anywhere. Instead of pointlessly shouting over one another, try allotting a minute of uninterrupted time for you both to talk. In this time, you must not cut into what they are saying. Try to listen instead of just waiting for your minute. You should give yourself a minute to respond to their comments as well as time to voice your own concerns. This will help you both to hear what the other is saying clearly.
When you end up in a fight, it will escalate. When we feel backed into a corner, we use our words to blame others. This normally turns into you or your partner picking out every terrible thing you have ever done, in order to find a reason to blame them. Instead of doing this, calmly pause the discussion. Taking a ten-minute breather will give you some time to think about the actual issue at hand and whether it is worth pursuing an argument over it.
Stick to the point
As mentioned above, sometimes we use every weapon in our arsenal to pass blame and to make them suffer. If the argument is about you continuously being home late, don’t bring up other moments that she forgot to buy milk or flirted with some guy. Problems from the past should stay exactly where they are. You should only deal with the issue on the table.
Taking some time to calm down, using a supplement like Relax (Holy Basil) can help to stop the flow of adrenaline that fuels the fire. Remember you both want a happy relationship so you have to be proactive in ending the fighting.