When you’re a young man, sex is a transcendent, indescribable experience that you know next to nothing about. And popular culture isn’t exactly helping with that, showing sex as some vague, perfectly executed, oddly sterile experience that ends in witty banter and L-shaped blankets. This is one of many, many myths about sex that we should eventually grow out of.
However, there are still many other myths about sex that take us quite a bit longer to stop believing. Now granted, actually having sex can go a long way to dispelling these myths, but you’d be surprised how stubborn some people can hold onto certain misconceptions. If you’re a man over 25, there may still be a few myths about sex you still believe. Let’s fix that.
The quality of your sex life is determined by what you do during sex
Sex is messy, loud, awkward, and that is totally fine. Your first, even third time around, you likely won’t have a single clue as to what you’re doing. What determines the quality of your sex life is proper intimate context. After all, it’s hard to really get into sex when you’re thinking about your bills, of the room smells funny, or something happened on the news that makes you want to take a nice afternoon stroll into the ocean.
Context is key to a fun and fulfilling sexual experience, and what decides the right context can be anything from high trust between you and your partner, to low stress. Don’t worry too much about how you’re going to perform during the sex, instead make sure the time and mood is right. Do that, and you should be alright.
Men need to ejaculate to enjoy sex
This just isn’t true. Now, don’t misunderstand, ejaculation, especially one at the hands of your significant other, can definitely be the highlight of your evening. However, just as a woman has more than one way to be aroused, so do men. Men can often feel like sex and sexual interaction is just a means to an end, that end being ejaculation.
However, if you really want to enjoy yourself, you need to take it nice and slow. Enjoy the process, the sensual experience you’re having with your lover. This, more than anything, will guarantee the highest enjoyment with sex. After all, why would you want to rush this?
A large penis = better sex
And now we come to the big one (pun enthusiastically intended). The biggest insecurity of the male gender, bar none, is the penis size. Everything men feel insecure about is connected to the size of their penis in some Freudian manner. However, let this be made perfectly clear: you do not need a large penis to enjoy sex, or for your partner to enjoy it.
Ask any sexologist, they will tell you that in most recorded cases, the best sex comes from the foreplay leading up to intercourse, not the intercourse itself. Most the areas of highest sensitivity on a woman, including the clitoris, are completely unaffected by penetration. Therefor, the size of your penis really doesn’t matter either way. So, if you’re feeling nervous about your penis size when you’re with a partner you want to please, fear not. Just make sure you please them in every other way, and your partner will be more than satisfied with your performance. And as long as they think you’re amazing at sex, isn’t that enough?
Arousal removes the need for lubricant
The need for lubrication does not indicate a lack of arousal. While an understandable mindset to take, that the more aroused your lover is, the more aroused she must be, this actually is not the case. Female monthly cycles have a drastic impact on the lubrication of the vagina during sexual intercourse. This includes pregnancy, illnesses, menopause, and medications like decongestants and antihistamines. And even if your partner drinks water, that won’t work either if your cycle just won’t have it.
Ultimately, her cycle has the final say on how wet she can be, but that does not mean that you aren’t arousing her. If you are, chances are good she will let you know herself. Bring some lubricant just in case, because it’s better and less awkward to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. You should also have it on hand just on principle if you aren’t ready to have unprotected sex yet. Even if she’s well lubricated, latex just isn’t a material that slides well.
All orgasms must feel the same, or something’s wrong
The sensation of orgasm is a spectrum, one that ranges from a quiet whisper of satisfaction to an uproarious cry of pleasure. No two orgasms are going to feel the same way, regardless of how satisfied you are after the fact. There are several factors that play into how your orgasm feels and how intensely you feel it. From how aroused you are, to if you’re in any kind of pain, to if your thoughts are wandering elsewhere etc. there are countless different factors at play here. But ultimately, there is no really controlling how you’re going to orgasm and whether you’re going to have the energy to do anything afterward or if you immediately fall into a sex coma. So the moral is, well, have fun.
And that is the moral of the entire thing; just have fun with it. Most of these myths stem from worrying about your performance, whether or not your partner really wants it etc. when ultimately these worries are as baseless as the myths that spawn them.
If you’re with someone who genuinely loves you and wants to do this with you, be they a man or a woman, then you’re going to perform just fine by them. And if you’re having fun, and they’re having fun, and you both agree that that was an enjoyable experience, in need of urgent repetition, shouldn’t that be enough? Purge these myths from your mind, and just enjoy the feeling of sex.