Keeping a marriage alive and fresh is difficult and aggravating, to say the least.
Why do I say this? Well, because it’s the truth. Think back to when the two of you were dating; Remember those romantic candlelit dinners filled with delicious food and amazing wine? What about those late nights filled with conversations of all sorts, the kind of conversations that kept you up until the wee hours of the morning? And what about those moments where sex turned into making love, and the two of you found yourselves unable to move from the bed?
Those times are long gone once that little wedding ring is placed on your finger. No more romantic dates. No more endless hours talking. No more wild sex that leaves you craving more.
The list of reasons could go on and on. It could start with responsibilities like jobs and obligations like family parties, but it could also get even more complicated with animals or kids in the mix. Once you have a full time job, a list of obligations to attend to, a pet, and a couple of kids, you’re screwed.
But, are you really?
Well, that depends on the wife that you have. And, that depends on the husband that you are. I know marriage can be tough; It’s absolutely nothing like dating. But I can guide you through the hard parts and steer you through those bumpy roads. Check out my tips and tricks to keeping a marriage spark alive below.
Have some alone time as husband and wife.
You’re probably thinking, “Alone time? What’s that?”
If you’re thinking that, stop. Go out and get yourself a babysitter right now. Whether it be a family member, a close friend, or a person you have interviewed countless times and trust, you need to get that babysitter. Health care professionals even suggest it, so that the two of you can get out of the house, alone, once every few weeks.
But when you do this, please, please, please try to get a babysitter that doesn’t mind the two of you staying out a little late. If you have a curfew, the two of you won’t be able to unwind properly, resulting in a not-so-great date night. Plus, this will allow you and your wife the opportunity to reconnect and be with the people you fell in love with in the beginning of the relationship.
Make sure the two of you focus on quality over quantity.
This may be confusing to you, but allow me to explain. Many married couples like to put a number on aspects of their life. For example, many couples think it’s ‘normal’ to have sex twice a week while married, any less would seem abnormal.
Don’t put a number on it. As long as the two of you are enjoying sex, or any other aspect of your life together, focus on that. Focus on the quality over the quantity, because you could have sex five times a week as a married couple and feel nothing. It’s better to enjoy the sex, or enjoy the experience, rather than outnumbering the ‘normal.’
Remember, it may suck for a while. Accept it.
A lot of things may suck for a while when you get married. Sex may be less frequent, sleep may not be as enjoyable, and dates may whither away. But that’s okay just accept it.
For example, I know a friend of mine who’s been married for a few years now. Her and her husband are trying to have a baby, and they’ve been trying to have a baby for quite some time. It sucks for them. They barely have romance in their lives, they barely have actual lovemaking moments in their lives, and they barely have time to relax and de-stress. But they’re getting through it, so you can, too.
Just remember, you’re not the only one going through this thing called marriage. Your wife is going through it, too. Try to be patient with her and encourage her to be patient with you so that the two of you can battle through this.
Get rid of that added pressure.
Pressure can arise due to so many reasons. For example, let’s go with the instance talked about above. If the two of you are trying to have a baby together, and it’s just not working, try to take the pressure off. Don’t allow yourself to think it’s your fault, and don’t allow your wife to think it’s her fault. Instead, have sex when the two of you are in the mood. Start with foreplay and take your time. Make her feel sexy. Make her feel wanted. If you two can get back to enjoying the sex that you do have, maybe you won’t feel as if it’s a chore anymore.
Plus, great things happen when you least expect it. If you take the pressure off and allow her to let go of that extra stress she’s experiencing because she can’t get pregnant, she may just have a baby in her belly sooner rather than later.
And if you already have kids, accept that sex is not the number one priority. You’ll get to it when you get to it. As long as you remember that quality is better than quantity, you’ll be okay.
Look and feel at home. Tell her to look and feel at home, too.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking, “Bring on the sweatpants.” No. That’s not what I mean.
Yes, the two of you should feel comfortable in your own home together. But that doesn’t mean you have to be slobs around each other. Wearing basketball shorts and a T-shirt is acceptable. Encouraging her to wear formfitting sweatpants with a T-shirt is acceptable (but encouraging her to wear a silk slip is more fun). Make sure the physical attraction is still there. Because if it is, you’ll both be jumping on each other for sex, and you won’t think it’s a chore one bit.
I know there are several other tips and tricks to keeping that spark alive, but start with these basics. And remember, have fun with it!
By Jenny Lyn